Where do bed bugs come from?

   I'm not going to speak for anywhere else in the world but here in New York City, bed bugs definitely come from dirty ass people. No, not the bums on the street but inhabitants of apartments which are filthy and have become breeding grounds for mold, mice, roaches, fleas that live on the mice, and bed bugs that feed on the dirty ass person. It's like a dirty ass ecosystem where all the elements are brewing for a bed bug population explosion. I'll outline one day in the ecosystem below and how bed bugs spread:

01) Dirty ass person (aka DAP) eats a ham and swiss sandwich and drops at least two crumbs and a small slice of ham on the floor.
02) A rat on his daily food foraging excursion finds one of the crumbs and scurries back to his rathole to feed. He'll come back later for the ham if it's still there.
03) Two roaches find the second crumb and start eating. They see the DAP sitting there but they don't care.
04) After the DAP is finished eating, it's time for a nap.
05) Upon hitting the mattress and scratching for a few seconds, DAP is snoring. Loudly.
06) An army of ravenous bed bugs detect the DAP's presence and start marching towards him.
07) As the bed bugs feed like a bunch of vampires, DAP shuffles around in bed and scratches but he's no match for the sheer number of bed bugs that are feeding en masse.
08) DAP wakes up and notices the welts on his body but he's used to it. Time for a donut run at the local DD or KK where his favorite is the glazed.
09) DAP enters the local DD and three bed bugs scurry from his jacket and into the establishment
10) One of the bed bugs climbs up a cop's sleeve and will hitch a hide home with him.
11) The other two bed bugs are a couple and very much in love. They're going home with a family man who dropped by DD to pick up a dozen for his kids. The bed bugs will have lots of kids. Three thousand of them.

   The above is not conjecture. It is an outline of the bed bug infection vector - namely, the DAP. How does one avoid bringing unwanted visitors home? Avoid DAP. If you see one, scold him or her for being a DAP. Offer to buy him some soap and a loofah. You can visit the donut shop but be on the lookout for creepy crawly bugs that are hankering for your blood. In conclusion, be vigilant. If you see something, say something. That's the only way we're going to stop the bed bug invasion.