Changes at Casa de Sonoma

   Ever since this bed bug thing has erupted across the nation, I've changed my policy on dating and inviting one-night stands over to my home. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I don't allow girls I've only known for a few weeks into my apartment  anymore - even when the moment for romance hits me. Nowadays, I take the girl to a little motel that's about 3 miles away where we have our relations, share breakfast the next morning, and then I watch her do the walk of shame down the street. I don't think I'm crazy because there is no way a girl is going to be ruining my apartment by potentially bringing in unwanted bed beg visitors.

   Let me be clear that most (but not all) of the girls I've been with have been clean, sweet, and loving. One girl I dated took three showers every day and she was a clean freak. Occasionally, there'll be a girl I meet who looks clean but then as the evening progresses, I'll notice litte things like dandruff, ear wax, a wispy mustache, or something else that I'll find to be a turnoff and perhaps a clue as to how she lives. That's when my bed bug detector starts clanging and warning me that the girl I've been talking to might be a DAP (Dirty Ass Person). That's usually my cue to break off communications and break the EFF out of there.